Ever since I first starting experiencing the changes in my personality and life experiences after my surgery in November of 2010 I have been looking for answers to what has happened to me. I have gone from seeing spirits, to believing I am an indigo and looking for answers in all things metaphysical. Sometimes we are simply to close to something to see it.
That's where friends come in. It took a friend reading an article on NDE's (Near Death Experiences) to put two and two together. As he read the article it began to dawn on him that everything in the article he was reading defined the things that were happening to his friend, me.
It appears I had a NDE while I was under deep sedation for the surgical procedure I had done in November of 2010. I asked my surgeon if this was possible and he believed that the level of sedation required to work on a persons brain stem could induce a NDE. I have no recollection of anything that happened while I was so heavily sedated. The after effects started showing up within a few weeks of the surgery with the first being the light phenomena I have been and continue to experience. The second most obvious was the blog I wrote on reincarnation, a subject I had little or no interest in prior to the surgery.
Many other events and things have occurred over the last 11 months. When I filled out the questionnaire on the research site for NDE I matched up 100% with the effects that have been noted in other people who have had a NDE. I now believe I did have a NDE during my surgery.
What is really ironic is I covered NDE in my blog on reincarnation and I never made the connection. The effects were not as many or as strong in the early months as they are now. I guess one can chalk this up to coincidence but I am sitting in a motel room in Roswell New Mexico as I post on my way to a new job in Pensacola Florida due to a major change in my personality. I basically walked away from a 30 year marriage that was by no means perfect, but a lot of people would have been perfectly content to be in a similar one. The marriage was not to bad or not to good but it wasn't just right. A lot of people would eagerly have settled but I could not do that anymore. There have been many other incidents, all of a profound nature that, by themselves, would be unusual but lumping them together defies logical explanation.
I now feel that part of the mystery is behind me. Now I can focus on all the new knowledge I am getting and how best to present it. Knowledge unshared is a tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it and I sincerely believe this set of trees needs to heard and studied by others. There may be nothing new here. It is new to me. If my coming up with the concepts I have is solely a result of intuition on my part and they prove to be false or end up corroborating someone else's work, they were arrived at with little or no study in the area I discuss. If nothing else, they will add further evidence to someone else's theory. As I gather new information I will update this post..
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
A further appeal
If my last post was a little too long and anyone wants a more condensed version with less technical information I offer this:
To whom it may concern:
I have been given a gift. Was I given it by accident or by design? I do not know. The gift is new knowledge and an awareness of my spirit via a visual phenomena. I see light which I believe is the frequency and method that exists to interface our spirit to our physical mind and the universe. I have not arrived at that observation easily. I have seen doctors medical and psychological and I am not ill and I am not delusional. Apparently this phenomenon happened due to a procedure I had done to repair damage in my brain stem. I have done all the experiments and tests I can do myself. I welcome anyone who wants to take the research further.
I am certainly not the first to experience new knowledge. Many believe that new knowledge comes from education but that is only partially true. New knowledge comes more from intuition than education. Thomas Edison was living proof if one needs proof. Intuition certainly provides the initiative to pursue education because there is no need to reinvent the wheel. Knowledge is only new if there is no record of it existing anywhere else.
A young man walks into a classroom and hands his teacher something he has been working on which he believes has value. It turns out to be the theory of algorithms and the teacher is amazed when he realizes this young man has developed algorithms all on his own with no prior knowledge of them. It happens, probably a lot more than many people realize. All any of us can do with new knowledge is hand it to others. Either it is a false observation or you are not the first to think of it. Is that grounds to keep it to yourself? New knowledge changes our world and the perception of our world and if it isn't new, you can bet that young man went on to a very productive career in mathematics.
The huge problem new knowledge faces is it often contradicts old knowledge and far too many times we find excuses not to pay attention to it and we end up suffering ignorance and even illness and death because it contradicted what we think we believe.
I believe this new knowledge I have opens a new approach to the field of psychiatry and the workings of our universe. I can find no record of it anywhere else and no one has stepped forward and told me it is false information. I will keep trying to hand it to people until one or both happens. If neither happens I will continue even if it isn't taken seriously in my remaining life time.
Richard Holl
dickholl@hotmail.com
To whom it may concern:
I have been given a gift. Was I given it by accident or by design? I do not know. The gift is new knowledge and an awareness of my spirit via a visual phenomena. I see light which I believe is the frequency and method that exists to interface our spirit to our physical mind and the universe. I have not arrived at that observation easily. I have seen doctors medical and psychological and I am not ill and I am not delusional. Apparently this phenomenon happened due to a procedure I had done to repair damage in my brain stem. I have done all the experiments and tests I can do myself. I welcome anyone who wants to take the research further.
I am certainly not the first to experience new knowledge. Many believe that new knowledge comes from education but that is only partially true. New knowledge comes more from intuition than education. Thomas Edison was living proof if one needs proof. Intuition certainly provides the initiative to pursue education because there is no need to reinvent the wheel. Knowledge is only new if there is no record of it existing anywhere else.
A young man walks into a classroom and hands his teacher something he has been working on which he believes has value. It turns out to be the theory of algorithms and the teacher is amazed when he realizes this young man has developed algorithms all on his own with no prior knowledge of them. It happens, probably a lot more than many people realize. All any of us can do with new knowledge is hand it to others. Either it is a false observation or you are not the first to think of it. Is that grounds to keep it to yourself? New knowledge changes our world and the perception of our world and if it isn't new, you can bet that young man went on to a very productive career in mathematics.
The huge problem new knowledge faces is it often contradicts old knowledge and far too many times we find excuses not to pay attention to it and we end up suffering ignorance and even illness and death because it contradicted what we think we believe.
I believe this new knowledge I have opens a new approach to the field of psychiatry and the workings of our universe. I can find no record of it anywhere else and no one has stepped forward and told me it is false information. I will keep trying to hand it to people until one or both happens. If neither happens I will continue even if it isn't taken seriously in my remaining life time.
Richard Holl
dickholl@hotmail.com
Thursday, September 15, 2011
My efforts to start actual research
I have done most the research I can do. I need test equipment and a place to work and ideally people to work with. I have put together a letter I am going to be e-mailing to research departments and anyone who might take an interest in the phenomena I am experiencing and my intuitions that result from it. The letter is as follows:
Though X-rays are otherwise invisible it is possible to see the ionization of the air molecules if the intensity of the X-ray beam is high enough. The beamline from the wiggler at the ID11 at ESRF is one example of such high intensity.[24]
To whom it may concern:
In November of 2010 I started experiencing a phenomena I did not understand. It first appeared as a blue light I could see while driving at night. I could see it in the dark areas on each side of the road at the edge of my headlight range. The images were shaped by the dark areas I was observing.
For example, if there were trees I could see in my headlights, the blue light would be in the dark areas between the trees. This blue light appears as a diffused light, slightly brighter on the perimeters when it doesn’t fill my field of vision and is of constant hue. It contains no motion and no artifacts under driving conditions. I compare it to shining a flashlight in my eyes with a colored filter over the lens.
The light appears to originate in my eyes but I can control the intensity by placing objects in front of my eyes. This concerned me enough to visit the doctor. That visit led to subsequent visits terminating in a visit with a neural ophthalmologist who found nothing wrong with my vision. He did want to perform a MRI but could not due to the fact I have a pacemaker as a result of nerve damage to my heart. The neural ophthalmologist did not accept my conclusion the light was not coming from my visual cortex or my brain stem and he would not authorize the experiments I suggested to prove it.
On the chance I may be experiencing delusions as there are additional phenomena associated with my awareness of blue light, which are only open to conjecture at this point, I sought the counsel of a psychologist. His observation has been, if this is a delusion, it is the strangest one he has encountered and he sees no need of mental or drug therapy and in fact is getting just as fascinated by what I am experiencing as I am.
I have no degrees in science but I do have a good working knowledge of light due to my work in electronics and tracking systems in both aerospace and defense. I am able to conduct simple experiments but lack the funds to conduct more sophisticated ones. I have done a lot of research.
I have written to a few science groups like IONS and the Mack Institute but have not been able to get anyone interested. I do not have the credentials to bring to bear and I can certainly sympathize with those who see all this as a play for attention and, as long as all I had to offer was myself as the object of interest, that was not going to change. It has changed.
My research shows that the phenomena I am experiencing can be analyzed without me being involved and there are and have been many experiments conducted in the area for a variety of reasons. All the equipment that will be needed for the initial phases exists. All that anyone needs to do is start looking in the right place and I believe I know where that place is. If, in fact, what I see is external to myself, anyone can observe it though it will take instrumentation to replicate what my eyes have become capable of doing for what ever reason.
I can also tell you why anyone, who takes the time to conduct this research, may very well make one of the greatest scientific discoveries in the history of mankind.
I have experienced singular phenomenon that lends itself to a lot of conjecture but there is no need to discuss them here. Anything I say here is repeatable and can be controlled. When the light source is directly in front of me it fills my entire field of vision. If it is above me, it illuminates the upper half of my field of vision and forms an arc at the periphery. This is constant. If the source is off to the side or behind me it presents as an orb that varies in size. I have not been able to determine what causes the difference in size. On one occasion the half moon effect was below me but I have not had the opportunity to repeat the scenario.
In all cases the hue is the same. The intensity does vary. There is one more artifact that, to date, has only been present when the source is above and behind me or off to the side. That artifact consists of a fixed herring bone pattern that overlays the color field with bands offset at a 30 to 45 degree angle. The slope is normally right to left but, on occasion, it is left to right. I have no idea why. In addition I have no idea why I do not see the artifact when I am looking directly at the source other than it being a form of diversity reception by the rods in my eyes.
I see the above in low light conditions or darkness. I believe my overall night vision is impacted but I haven’t done any tests. My ability to see the blue light is instantaneous and I can see it at anytime with possibly the exception of the first few minutes after awakening from a nights sleep. I feel no physiological changes when I am observing the blue light.
Here is what I have discovered with my research (all need further experimentation):
1. This is definitely a function of the rods in my retinal field.
2. It involves the pigment Rhodopsin;
3. I have increased sensitivity to the UV spectrum
4. I have increased persistence to the UV spectrum
5. This is a very low level signal but our rods are capable of recognizing a single photon.
The part that puzzled me until I did further research was how I could be experiencing visible light of significant intensity especially in the violet spectrum? The answer is I am not seeing visible light, I am seeing the light effect discovered in the 1800’s by Roentgen and experimented on by others and that effect is the visible component associated with x-ray emitters.
The only research that has been done has been focused on giving those that are blind , the ability to see when the eye in front of the retina is no longer functioning. Once we determined that ionizing radiation was hazardous, research, especially with humans, became difficult and we have made a lot of progress in correcting disease and trauma to the eye. The result is there has been a woeful lack of research regarding the visible light phenomena associated with x-rays and I believe gamma rays.
We simply do not understand the process and, just like Edison either overlooked or was forced to stop work on his etheric force, the things we could have learned have been put on hold.
I attach a few excerpts below from my research corroborating the lack of and the focus of research regarding the phenomena.
I understand the phenomena I am experiencing is well below the thresholds required to stimulate the rods and pigment in the human eye using a man made emitter of x-ray radiation (as far as we know) but we cannot forget the human eye is capable of resolving a single photon and the fact that most people do not have the ability to see the phenomena does not mean it isn’t there.
There is little more I can do in regards to research into this phenomena without a lot of equipment that is available. Here is my hypothesis. Somewhere in the frequency spectrum above visible light there is a carrier signal. That signal has a subcarrier. Encoded on that subcarrier is knowledge. The source of that knowledge has many possibilities. The source is not my concern. I am a communicator and I want everyone to be able to get the signal. The knowledge is for others to figure out.
One of the clues may very well be the color I am experiencing. We need to do further research on the visible light phenomena associated with x-rays. Once we know more we can experiment with what we know and see if we can correlate the frequency of the emitter to the frequency of what I am seeing. That will get us close to the carrier frequency. What I see resides somewhere between 415-430nm.
I hope I have made my case. If not I will keep plugging away. I would love to be part of any research program. Money is not an issue as long as my expenses are met. If not, I encourage someone to invest their time looking into it. Research programs have been started with less evidence than I present here.
Visibility
While generally considered invisible to the human eye, in special circumstances X-rays can be visible. Brandes, in an experiment a short time after Röntgen's landmark 1895 paper, reported after dark adaptation and placing his eye close to an X-ray tube, seeing a faint "blue-gray" glow which seemed to originate within the eye itself.[23] Upon hearing this, Röntgen reviewed his record books and found he too had seen the effect. When placing an X-ray tube on the opposite side of a wooden door Röntgen had noted the same blue glow, seeming to emanate from the eye itself, but thought his observations to be spurious because he only saw the effect when he used one type of tube. Later he realized that the tube which had created the effect was the only one powerful enough to make the glow plainly visible and the experiment was thereafter readily repeatable. The knowledge that X-rays are actually faintly visible to the dark-adapted naked eye has largely been forgotten today; this is probably due to the desire not to repeat what would now be seen as a recklessly dangerous and potentially harmful experiment with ionizing radiation. It is not known what exact mechanism in the eye produces the visibility: it could be due to conventional detection (excitation of rhodopsin molecules in the retina), direct excitation of retinal nerve cells, or secondary detection via, for instance, X-ray induction of phosphorescence in the eyeball with conventional retinal detection of the secondarily produced visible light.Though X-rays are otherwise invisible it is possible to see the ionization of the air molecules if the intensity of the X-ray beam is high enough. The beamline from the wiggler at the ID11 at ESRF is one example of such high intensity.[24]
Dr. Leo E. Lipetz did extensive research in this area. I link his research.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Our Journey
If what I am experiencing is hallucinatory and delusional I had no idea hallucinations could be so organized and well planned especially when I had no prior thoughts or concepts of what I was going to witness and think. Take my most recent realization. The phenomena I am about to describe took place over a period of 78 days. It wasn't until the last event, which I witnessed today, I realized what I have been seeing.
The phenomena is divided into three distinct events. The first happened on or about the 29th of May at midday. The second happened on the 6th of July at 3:00pm and the third happened on the 14th of August at midday. All times are PDT and the year is 2011. All happened while I was resting. The first and the last happened shortly after waking. I am a late sleeper. The second happened while I was flying between Oklahoma City and Los Angeles. I do not believe I will ever see any of these events again. The realization of what I was seeing did not happen until shortly after the last event earlier today.
As in the vision I had regarding the origin of the universe and our purpose in it, it is geometrical and those with advanced mathematical skills should be able to interpret more information than I can. I have asked those that have the skills to analyze the information I was given regarding the universe which can be found in my blog "Please Listen" under "The Message". To date, I have heard from no one.
I believe what I have seen is the journey mankind is on. The first image is the end of the journey. The second vision is our current location in the journey and the third image is the start of the journey. Each point is a different image with its own unique shape except the shape of the end of the journey is nebulous. I have pondered how to present this and I think the best is to talk about each image independently followed by the geometrical layout of the images in relationship to one another. I do not understand the significance of the shape the three events have taken other than the undefined shape of the end of the journey.
Time wise the first image lasted no more than 5 seconds. The second image lasted for 45 seconds to a minute. The third image was less than 2 seconds. Since the images were presented to me in reverse order I feel I need to discuss them in reverse order. We start at the end of the journey.
Even though the image for the end of the journey is nebulous it does have a few characteristics. It is either a triangle or an arc shaped like a comma on its side with the small end of the comma or triangle pointed to either the right or the left. There is a slope of 5-7 degrees with the lower point to the left. The distance from the low point to the high point is constant regardless of shape. The light particles inside the image were multicolored distinct points of light embedded in very bright light with no motion I could see. There were like grains of sand on a beach.
The image wasn't what struck me it was the sense of belonging and peace that overwhelmed me. If you take every joyous event in your life and magnified it a hundredfold it still could not explain the feelings that overcame me as I witnessed this image. I did not want to let go of the image but it disappeared instantly after the few seconds I was graced with its presence. There is no place I would rather be then there. I felt like a child who had his candy taken away when it disappeared. Of the three images I have seen this one was the furthest away.
I was lying peacefully in bed and was no where dying and I do not feel I was out of body. I have never had the experience. I was observing indigo light but that is routine for me. I instantly knew what it was. I have read near death accounts and I can totally relate to the emotions expressed by those who have had them. I have no explanation for why I saw it in the form I did. My intuition tells me it has something to do with the shapes of the other two images I have seen but I don't have the skills to connect the dots.
The second image happened while flying. I believe it is our current position in our journey and it had a very distinct oval shape with a 30 degree lean to the right. The slope of the image associated with the end of the journey was also left to right with the lower point to the left. Inside the oval was the most intense indigo light I have seen and it was swirling. I had the distinct feeling I was looking into infinity when I focused on the light inside the image. Surrounding the image was a very intense thin blue aura. It was spectacular image which I had no emotional connection to. It was like looking out at a scenic vista and seeing a UFO. This image is the one that tells me this isn't just my journey, it is our species journey. The strange part was infinity was perpendicular to the direction of our journey. I have no idea why. This image lasted the longest and may have been more than a minute. As I witnessed this image I thought it was a portal or gateway and I did not connect it to the first image. The connection became obvious after the last image witnessed today. This image was the closest to me of the three I have seen.
The image I saw today happened at about the same time and under the same circumstances the first image did. I was awake and lying in bed. Like the first image the period before I started seeing indigo light was longer than normal. In both cases I wondered if my experiencing indigo light had come to an end. Normally the phenomena occurs within the first two minutes of a wakeful state. More than 5 minutes had elapsed. I have come to look upon my indigo light as a warm comforter. I have no problems when I see it.
This image was above me and a little behind me. It was in the shape of a parallelogram with the longer side pointing forward and sloped downward at 5-7 degrees. It is the biggest of the images I have seen. Visualize a flag over and slightly behind you laid out horizontally. The surface of the flag looked like bubble wrap. Inside each bubble were the same multicolored lights I saw in the first image except they were not focused. I do not know if they were moving as I did not see this image for very long. My mind or body or both would not have held up had I seen it for any longer. It was simply overwhelming. No pain but a feeling of total annihilation if I had seen it for any longer than I did. I have never been happier to see anything go away as that image. I get uncomfortable writing about it. This sounds crazy but I believe I can now relate to the big bang that kick started our universe. I was looking at total instability or chaos.
There is a geometrical construct to all three images in relationship to one another which I need to explain for those who want to decipher what I have seen. If math isn't your thing you may want to go do something else else instead of reading the following. Since I am the one who witnessed the phenomena I have to outline the relationships so others can study them if they want to.
Let's assume the horizontal center line of our eyes is the base point for drawing a perpendicular in the direction you are looking. The assumption is your eyes are looking as straight ahead as they can. This perpendicular is the zero line (horizontal axis) and extends through your head. From the zero line we construct another perpendicular at the center of your head. This is the vertical axis and your head is clamped in a vise. Your head now becomes non significant (in mathematical computation).
From the zero point project a line along the horizontal axis at a 5-7 degree angle. This will be the furthest point from zero in the upcoming triangle. From the zero point project a line along the vertical axis at 10-15 degrees minus horizontal at a vertical point to be determined by the sight line to image two. Here is where the math will require variables.
From the zero point project a line at 30 degrees along the horizontal axis. Somewhere along this line is image two. The shapes of the three images define where. Image two is the closest to zero. The shapes of images two and three are constant. The shape of image one is variable as defined by either arc or straight line. The horizontal line is a function of time. That is all the information I have.
If you can solve this you will know how far our species is into our journey and how much more time we have until the journey is done depending on the variables that shape the end of the journey.
I did not know what message I was being given until this morning. After the last image I was able to quickly connect all the dots and sat down and wrote this. If you are satisfied this is a delusion than do nothing. If you find that concept as hard to grasp as I do then do the math or find someone who can.
If I get any more information I will update this post.
The phenomena is divided into three distinct events. The first happened on or about the 29th of May at midday. The second happened on the 6th of July at 3:00pm and the third happened on the 14th of August at midday. All times are PDT and the year is 2011. All happened while I was resting. The first and the last happened shortly after waking. I am a late sleeper. The second happened while I was flying between Oklahoma City and Los Angeles. I do not believe I will ever see any of these events again. The realization of what I was seeing did not happen until shortly after the last event earlier today.
As in the vision I had regarding the origin of the universe and our purpose in it, it is geometrical and those with advanced mathematical skills should be able to interpret more information than I can. I have asked those that have the skills to analyze the information I was given regarding the universe which can be found in my blog "Please Listen" under "The Message". To date, I have heard from no one.
I believe what I have seen is the journey mankind is on. The first image is the end of the journey. The second vision is our current location in the journey and the third image is the start of the journey. Each point is a different image with its own unique shape except the shape of the end of the journey is nebulous. I have pondered how to present this and I think the best is to talk about each image independently followed by the geometrical layout of the images in relationship to one another. I do not understand the significance of the shape the three events have taken other than the undefined shape of the end of the journey.
Time wise the first image lasted no more than 5 seconds. The second image lasted for 45 seconds to a minute. The third image was less than 2 seconds. Since the images were presented to me in reverse order I feel I need to discuss them in reverse order. We start at the end of the journey.
Even though the image for the end of the journey is nebulous it does have a few characteristics. It is either a triangle or an arc shaped like a comma on its side with the small end of the comma or triangle pointed to either the right or the left. There is a slope of 5-7 degrees with the lower point to the left. The distance from the low point to the high point is constant regardless of shape. The light particles inside the image were multicolored distinct points of light embedded in very bright light with no motion I could see. There were like grains of sand on a beach.
The image wasn't what struck me it was the sense of belonging and peace that overwhelmed me. If you take every joyous event in your life and magnified it a hundredfold it still could not explain the feelings that overcame me as I witnessed this image. I did not want to let go of the image but it disappeared instantly after the few seconds I was graced with its presence. There is no place I would rather be then there. I felt like a child who had his candy taken away when it disappeared. Of the three images I have seen this one was the furthest away.
I was lying peacefully in bed and was no where dying and I do not feel I was out of body. I have never had the experience. I was observing indigo light but that is routine for me. I instantly knew what it was. I have read near death accounts and I can totally relate to the emotions expressed by those who have had them. I have no explanation for why I saw it in the form I did. My intuition tells me it has something to do with the shapes of the other two images I have seen but I don't have the skills to connect the dots.
The second image happened while flying. I believe it is our current position in our journey and it had a very distinct oval shape with a 30 degree lean to the right. The slope of the image associated with the end of the journey was also left to right with the lower point to the left. Inside the oval was the most intense indigo light I have seen and it was swirling. I had the distinct feeling I was looking into infinity when I focused on the light inside the image. Surrounding the image was a very intense thin blue aura. It was spectacular image which I had no emotional connection to. It was like looking out at a scenic vista and seeing a UFO. This image is the one that tells me this isn't just my journey, it is our species journey. The strange part was infinity was perpendicular to the direction of our journey. I have no idea why. This image lasted the longest and may have been more than a minute. As I witnessed this image I thought it was a portal or gateway and I did not connect it to the first image. The connection became obvious after the last image witnessed today. This image was the closest to me of the three I have seen.
The image I saw today happened at about the same time and under the same circumstances the first image did. I was awake and lying in bed. Like the first image the period before I started seeing indigo light was longer than normal. In both cases I wondered if my experiencing indigo light had come to an end. Normally the phenomena occurs within the first two minutes of a wakeful state. More than 5 minutes had elapsed. I have come to look upon my indigo light as a warm comforter. I have no problems when I see it.
This image was above me and a little behind me. It was in the shape of a parallelogram with the longer side pointing forward and sloped downward at 5-7 degrees. It is the biggest of the images I have seen. Visualize a flag over and slightly behind you laid out horizontally. The surface of the flag looked like bubble wrap. Inside each bubble were the same multicolored lights I saw in the first image except they were not focused. I do not know if they were moving as I did not see this image for very long. My mind or body or both would not have held up had I seen it for any longer. It was simply overwhelming. No pain but a feeling of total annihilation if I had seen it for any longer than I did. I have never been happier to see anything go away as that image. I get uncomfortable writing about it. This sounds crazy but I believe I can now relate to the big bang that kick started our universe. I was looking at total instability or chaos.
There is a geometrical construct to all three images in relationship to one another which I need to explain for those who want to decipher what I have seen. If math isn't your thing you may want to go do something else else instead of reading the following. Since I am the one who witnessed the phenomena I have to outline the relationships so others can study them if they want to.
Let's assume the horizontal center line of our eyes is the base point for drawing a perpendicular in the direction you are looking. The assumption is your eyes are looking as straight ahead as they can. This perpendicular is the zero line (horizontal axis) and extends through your head. From the zero line we construct another perpendicular at the center of your head. This is the vertical axis and your head is clamped in a vise. Your head now becomes non significant (in mathematical computation).
From the zero point project a line along the horizontal axis at a 5-7 degree angle. This will be the furthest point from zero in the upcoming triangle. From the zero point project a line along the vertical axis at 10-15 degrees minus horizontal at a vertical point to be determined by the sight line to image two. Here is where the math will require variables.
From the zero point project a line at 30 degrees along the horizontal axis. Somewhere along this line is image two. The shapes of the three images define where. Image two is the closest to zero. The shapes of images two and three are constant. The shape of image one is variable as defined by either arc or straight line. The horizontal line is a function of time. That is all the information I have.
If you can solve this you will know how far our species is into our journey and how much more time we have until the journey is done depending on the variables that shape the end of the journey.
I did not know what message I was being given until this morning. After the last image I was able to quickly connect all the dots and sat down and wrote this. If you are satisfied this is a delusion than do nothing. If you find that concept as hard to grasp as I do then do the math or find someone who can.
If I get any more information I will update this post.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Regression and introspection
I have been doing a lot of research and writing, the results of which I post on my blog Please Listen. Until some scientific group decides they need to do research into the visual phenomena I am experiencing, I have gone about as far as I can go in understanding what is happening to me. I am still seeing a psychologist and he believes I have in fact become sensitized to light in the violet and near ultraviolet spectrum.
That is the same conclusion the neural ophthalmologist came to and he attributes it to mild ischemia in my brain stem from the procedure I had done to repair my trigeminial neuralgia. Both see no reason to pursue the experiences I am having as a result of the condition. The ophthalmologist does not accept what I see is external to my eyes and sees no need to pursue it further as there is no apparent health problem associated with the phenomena. If I did not have a pacemaker he would conduct an MRI but that option is off the table.The psychologist believes my eyes are responding to external stimuli but is concerned that my interpretations border on delusional though I show no other signs of delusional behavior.
I am scaling back my psychological sessions on his advice primarily for the same reasons I have no more scheduled eye exams, there is no danger to my health or the health of others.
As a result I decided to take a shot at hypnotic regression and suggestion. I picked one of the best in the field in my area and underwent a two hour session.
One of the things we learned about half way through was the light phenomena I am experiencing requires total darkness or it interferes with the process to the point hypnosis is not possible. I simply could not reach the state of mind needed in order to progress.
Once we covered my eyes, we started making progress. I did not know that you are consciously aware of your hypnotic state unless unless the hypnotist tells you to forget. I thought I was fully alert until the session ended and I tried to sit up rather abruptly. I have never been as disoriented as I was at that moment at any other time in my life. That includes coming out of sedation after surgery. After surgery you fade in and out but your lucid moments are obvious. That is not true coming out of hypnosis. Had it not been for the ending part I would never have realized I was in a hypnotic state.
I did not uncover anything that was of any significant value in my ongoing research, but it may have value later. I did discover a facet of my personality that I was not aware of that was placing too many expectations on people in general and I believe I am a better person now because of my session with a hypnotherapist.
Since my medical insurance does not cover hypnotherapy it is something I have to pursue carefully. If I had the discretionary funds I would definitely undergo more sessions. Under the circumstances, it will be awhile before I have another session. I have a lot of research to do and a lot of resources to look at along with writing down my thoughts and results. I'll wait until I find myself trapped in a corner if I ever do find myself trapped in a corner. There certainly is no danger of that currently.
My awareness of indigo light has reached a plateau for now and I have no new information in that regard. I continue to to have insights on any number of topics which accounts for the research and the writing. Any new events I will post to the blog.
That is the same conclusion the neural ophthalmologist came to and he attributes it to mild ischemia in my brain stem from the procedure I had done to repair my trigeminial neuralgia. Both see no reason to pursue the experiences I am having as a result of the condition. The ophthalmologist does not accept what I see is external to my eyes and sees no need to pursue it further as there is no apparent health problem associated with the phenomena. If I did not have a pacemaker he would conduct an MRI but that option is off the table.The psychologist believes my eyes are responding to external stimuli but is concerned that my interpretations border on delusional though I show no other signs of delusional behavior.
I am scaling back my psychological sessions on his advice primarily for the same reasons I have no more scheduled eye exams, there is no danger to my health or the health of others.
As a result I decided to take a shot at hypnotic regression and suggestion. I picked one of the best in the field in my area and underwent a two hour session.
One of the things we learned about half way through was the light phenomena I am experiencing requires total darkness or it interferes with the process to the point hypnosis is not possible. I simply could not reach the state of mind needed in order to progress.
Once we covered my eyes, we started making progress. I did not know that you are consciously aware of your hypnotic state unless unless the hypnotist tells you to forget. I thought I was fully alert until the session ended and I tried to sit up rather abruptly. I have never been as disoriented as I was at that moment at any other time in my life. That includes coming out of sedation after surgery. After surgery you fade in and out but your lucid moments are obvious. That is not true coming out of hypnosis. Had it not been for the ending part I would never have realized I was in a hypnotic state.
I did not uncover anything that was of any significant value in my ongoing research, but it may have value later. I did discover a facet of my personality that I was not aware of that was placing too many expectations on people in general and I believe I am a better person now because of my session with a hypnotherapist.
Since my medical insurance does not cover hypnotherapy it is something I have to pursue carefully. If I had the discretionary funds I would definitely undergo more sessions. Under the circumstances, it will be awhile before I have another session. I have a lot of research to do and a lot of resources to look at along with writing down my thoughts and results. I'll wait until I find myself trapped in a corner if I ever do find myself trapped in a corner. There certainly is no danger of that currently.
My awareness of indigo light has reached a plateau for now and I have no new information in that regard. I continue to to have insights on any number of topics which accounts for the research and the writing. Any new events I will post to the blog.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Indigo light and meditation
I recently returned from a trip to Oklahoma. Normally when I fly I try and engage strangers in conversation. It helps the trip pass quicker and I think most of us have interesting lives and we all gain by listening to each others life experiences whether they are being expanded on or not.
On the return flight from Oklahoma, I ended up on a smaller jet with 2 seats on both sides of the aisle and no one to talk to. In addition there are no distractions like a movie and minimal services. My wife was sitting next to me but she was tired. It was a perfect opportunity to meditate and when I meditate I always experience indigo light.
What came as a total surprise was, the light I normally see with my eyes lightly closed was not coming from either side or above me, it was coming from below me and in all the months I have witnessed the phenomena, this was the first and only time I have seen the light below me. We were at 35000 feet. It stayed that way until we started to descend.
To explain what happened next, I need to explain how what I see sometimes presents itself. Normally the indigo light I see is disbursed from either the right, the left or above me. At higher altitudes it comes from below me. In addition, I see geometric images that typically start from an incident light source that is at a different light level than the ambient light in my current environment. The light source does not have to be overly bright. Everyone experiences this phenomena when they are subject to flash photography. You see a retained image when you close your eyes. I get the same effect from an image with contrast at low light levels. In normal vision, any retained image for most people would persist for less than a second. How long is a function of brightness.
When the aircraft dropped below 15000 feet (Im pretty good at judging distances in the air. I am a glider pilot) I was looking out the window of the seat directly in front of me. The shade was partially pulled and the light coming through the window had a rectangular shape. We were descending into Los Angeles from the east in early afternoon and the air was hazy (At least it is no longer orange). The light coming through the window was not bright. I closed my eyes and the shape of the window stayed in my vision and did not lose persistence. In fact it got brighter and the rectangle started to slowly tilt forward until it was about 30 degrees from vertical. The white light changed to indigo and it was the most intense indigo light I have seen since this phenomena started. If I graded what I normally see on a scale of 1 to 10 this was a 100. Not only was it intense it had dimension. It was like looking down a well of indigo light. Then the aura appeared. It was a thin very bright blue aura that had an intense white border. There were rays emanating from the image in all directions. If this wasn't strange enough I could see the rays but they were not visible. I don't know how else to describe it. As the plane descended, the image slowly drifted up and to the right until I could no longer see it.
By this time we were below 10000 feet and and I honestly did not know what it was I had just witnessed. After it had disappeared from my view I opened my eyes, handed my drink cup to the approaching attendant and I closed my eyes again. The indigo light I normally see was now above me.
I then had to endure the next 2 hours in the most antiquated major airport left in the world where one rides buses dodging airplanes to get from one terminal to the next. On the next leg of the flight from LA to Seattle., I did have someone to talk to but I did take the time to observe the indigo light was still below me at higher altitudes and above me under 10000 feet.
I have done a lot of reflection on the meaning of all that I saw on that flight. What I have concluded is our energy or spirit or whatever you want to call it exists withiin or close to the human society it is part of. Our guides or gateway or whatever you want to call them reside above the thickest part of our atmosphere. I can only speculate why but my knowledge of all that is energy, knows any energy transfer that can happen, happens easier in the thinner air of the upper atmosphere. If I am delusional, my delusions are far more predictable than any delusions I have ever read about.
On the return flight from Oklahoma, I ended up on a smaller jet with 2 seats on both sides of the aisle and no one to talk to. In addition there are no distractions like a movie and minimal services. My wife was sitting next to me but she was tired. It was a perfect opportunity to meditate and when I meditate I always experience indigo light.
What came as a total surprise was, the light I normally see with my eyes lightly closed was not coming from either side or above me, it was coming from below me and in all the months I have witnessed the phenomena, this was the first and only time I have seen the light below me. We were at 35000 feet. It stayed that way until we started to descend.
To explain what happened next, I need to explain how what I see sometimes presents itself. Normally the indigo light I see is disbursed from either the right, the left or above me. At higher altitudes it comes from below me. In addition, I see geometric images that typically start from an incident light source that is at a different light level than the ambient light in my current environment. The light source does not have to be overly bright. Everyone experiences this phenomena when they are subject to flash photography. You see a retained image when you close your eyes. I get the same effect from an image with contrast at low light levels. In normal vision, any retained image for most people would persist for less than a second. How long is a function of brightness.
When the aircraft dropped below 15000 feet (Im pretty good at judging distances in the air. I am a glider pilot) I was looking out the window of the seat directly in front of me. The shade was partially pulled and the light coming through the window had a rectangular shape. We were descending into Los Angeles from the east in early afternoon and the air was hazy (At least it is no longer orange). The light coming through the window was not bright. I closed my eyes and the shape of the window stayed in my vision and did not lose persistence. In fact it got brighter and the rectangle started to slowly tilt forward until it was about 30 degrees from vertical. The white light changed to indigo and it was the most intense indigo light I have seen since this phenomena started. If I graded what I normally see on a scale of 1 to 10 this was a 100. Not only was it intense it had dimension. It was like looking down a well of indigo light. Then the aura appeared. It was a thin very bright blue aura that had an intense white border. There were rays emanating from the image in all directions. If this wasn't strange enough I could see the rays but they were not visible. I don't know how else to describe it. As the plane descended, the image slowly drifted up and to the right until I could no longer see it.
By this time we were below 10000 feet and and I honestly did not know what it was I had just witnessed. After it had disappeared from my view I opened my eyes, handed my drink cup to the approaching attendant and I closed my eyes again. The indigo light I normally see was now above me.
I then had to endure the next 2 hours in the most antiquated major airport left in the world where one rides buses dodging airplanes to get from one terminal to the next. On the next leg of the flight from LA to Seattle., I did have someone to talk to but I did take the time to observe the indigo light was still below me at higher altitudes and above me under 10000 feet.
I have done a lot of reflection on the meaning of all that I saw on that flight. What I have concluded is our energy or spirit or whatever you want to call it exists withiin or close to the human society it is part of. Our guides or gateway or whatever you want to call them reside above the thickest part of our atmosphere. I can only speculate why but my knowledge of all that is energy, knows any energy transfer that can happen, happens easier in the thinner air of the upper atmosphere. If I am delusional, my delusions are far more predictable than any delusions I have ever read about.
Monday, June 20, 2011
It's all in the brain stem
I just spent the morning consulting with a Neural Ophthalmologist and I believe the pieces of the puzzle are taking shape. I did not discuss the spiritual aspect of the phenomena in order to avoid being misdiagnosed as a mental patient. It turns out I was overly concerned because trauma to the brain stem does result in hallucinations depending on where the ischemia lies. For those who don't know what ischemia is, it is the term that defines restricted blood flow which is basically the only form of trauma that can exist in the brain stem without causing major medical problems. Even then it cannot be a serious restriction.
In November of 2010 I underwent a balloon ablation of the right trigeminial nerve junction which is located in the brain stem. It involves running a needle into the brain stem and inflating a small balloon in order to compress the nerve bundle. Sounds terrible but it is a fairly common procedure that is done more frequently using a gamma knife. For whatever reason I chose the balloon ablation and it worked. It cured my trigeminial neuralgia which is one of the most painful afflictions a person can experience. I dealt with it for two years trying medications, meditation and acupuncture.
There was ischemia to the nerves that controls the eyes. That was made evident by the fact I had to start wearing prismatic lenses shortly after the surgery when I read or was writing as i would have double vision for up to an hour afterwards when I did. The muscles controlling my eyes weren't weakened but the neural pathway that relates the control of the muscles to the vision the eyes is processing was traumatized. They cannot totally corroborate this because they cannot do an MRI on me since I have a pacemaker due to the fact I damaged my heart nerves in a skiing accident years ago.
In order to understand what is happening to me I have to explain a little bit on how the brain stem functions. Our senses take two paths through the brain stem. Actually there are more than two but it is easier to explain if we look at them as just two. Our senses have two functions. The first is to communicate to the conscious mind so you can relate to the sounds, sight, touch, taste and smells around you and make conscious decisions from any event. The second is to coordinate all the things involved with responding to the information the conscious mind is getting, It's how you pick up your morning coffee and every other activity your body does, There is no conscious thought involved, They use different nerve paths to keep it all straight, No doubt any neurologist reading this is rolling their eyes but it is the easiest way I can explain it. The Neural Opthamologist knows which path is damaged because we don't think about controlling our eye muscles when we change our focal distance.
That explains my double vision. My sensitivity to indigo light is not as easily explained. The phenomena I am experiencing has happened in other people and I would absolutely love to talk to anyone who has experienced it. In cases like mine, they can only speculate This becomes another one of those things that science can't explain and I believe never will until they recognize there are energies in our universe they refuse to take a serious look at because of the religious and spiritual nature one has to consider to do so,
In my case it looks like all the damage was done to the visual nerves that work in conjunction with all our senses. The Doctor believes that because of the problem I have controlling my focus and the fact that I do not see hallucinations which is common in cases where the nerve bundle that ties to the visual cortex is affected. The human eyes perceive color in low light conditions due to a complicated process that involves both the rods and the cones but it is automatic. You can not think you will see pink and see it. but you can consciously focus on pink if it is present. All that changes if you are dreaming or taking drugs or alcohol.
Here is where the Doctors and I part ways. All the Doctors I have talked to simply refuse to believe what I see is spatial. By that I mean I can see it and turn away from it and not see it. They do not believe I am experiencing this because, in their mind, that is not possible. I have asked them to run experiments to prove it and none has taken the bait so until I can do my own research, or get someone in research interested, we are at a stalemate.
They have no explanation regarding why I see violet light, I believe that the ischemia to my integrated vision has sensitized my eyes to light in the near ultraviolet and violet range. I have conducted ny own experiments to verify this. One I posted to this blog. Birds see blue light which allows them to navigate so a unique color sensitivity is common in certain species.
I further believe that the energy that was once part of a physical human entity has a wavelength in the indigo range and my vision has awakened my spiritual component. Since my visual cortex has not responded to my spiritual awakening, I get no sense of being from spiritual awareness. I do not see ghosts nor do I communicate with spirits though I know others who have been spirituality awakened do. Because my two visual paths are disconnected from one another and I am only spiritually connected via my subconscious and integration bundle, I do not have to process the presence or awareness of spiritual or energy beings in my conscious mind.
Something akin to a miracle has happened as a result of only one of my nerve pathways being spiritually activated .The following hypothesis is a result of that injury. I believe the reason our spirits continue on and conjoin with a new physical body is to pass on ability and knowledge from one generation to the next. I call it mental evolution. Everything I am learning I am writing down in the blog I call Please Listen.
The above realization struck me as I was sitting in the Doctors office waiting for my eyes to dilate. It may be awhile before I make another post to this blog but I am working on some things which I plan to keep this blog up to date on. The visual chapter is now closed until I can start doing experiments to further understand this phenomena and all that it entails.
In November of 2010 I underwent a balloon ablation of the right trigeminial nerve junction which is located in the brain stem. It involves running a needle into the brain stem and inflating a small balloon in order to compress the nerve bundle. Sounds terrible but it is a fairly common procedure that is done more frequently using a gamma knife. For whatever reason I chose the balloon ablation and it worked. It cured my trigeminial neuralgia which is one of the most painful afflictions a person can experience. I dealt with it for two years trying medications, meditation and acupuncture.
There was ischemia to the nerves that controls the eyes. That was made evident by the fact I had to start wearing prismatic lenses shortly after the surgery when I read or was writing as i would have double vision for up to an hour afterwards when I did. The muscles controlling my eyes weren't weakened but the neural pathway that relates the control of the muscles to the vision the eyes is processing was traumatized. They cannot totally corroborate this because they cannot do an MRI on me since I have a pacemaker due to the fact I damaged my heart nerves in a skiing accident years ago.
In order to understand what is happening to me I have to explain a little bit on how the brain stem functions. Our senses take two paths through the brain stem. Actually there are more than two but it is easier to explain if we look at them as just two. Our senses have two functions. The first is to communicate to the conscious mind so you can relate to the sounds, sight, touch, taste and smells around you and make conscious decisions from any event. The second is to coordinate all the things involved with responding to the information the conscious mind is getting, It's how you pick up your morning coffee and every other activity your body does, There is no conscious thought involved, They use different nerve paths to keep it all straight, No doubt any neurologist reading this is rolling their eyes but it is the easiest way I can explain it. The Neural Opthamologist knows which path is damaged because we don't think about controlling our eye muscles when we change our focal distance.
That explains my double vision. My sensitivity to indigo light is not as easily explained. The phenomena I am experiencing has happened in other people and I would absolutely love to talk to anyone who has experienced it. In cases like mine, they can only speculate This becomes another one of those things that science can't explain and I believe never will until they recognize there are energies in our universe they refuse to take a serious look at because of the religious and spiritual nature one has to consider to do so,
In my case it looks like all the damage was done to the visual nerves that work in conjunction with all our senses. The Doctor believes that because of the problem I have controlling my focus and the fact that I do not see hallucinations which is common in cases where the nerve bundle that ties to the visual cortex is affected. The human eyes perceive color in low light conditions due to a complicated process that involves both the rods and the cones but it is automatic. You can not think you will see pink and see it. but you can consciously focus on pink if it is present. All that changes if you are dreaming or taking drugs or alcohol.
Here is where the Doctors and I part ways. All the Doctors I have talked to simply refuse to believe what I see is spatial. By that I mean I can see it and turn away from it and not see it. They do not believe I am experiencing this because, in their mind, that is not possible. I have asked them to run experiments to prove it and none has taken the bait so until I can do my own research, or get someone in research interested, we are at a stalemate.
They have no explanation regarding why I see violet light, I believe that the ischemia to my integrated vision has sensitized my eyes to light in the near ultraviolet and violet range. I have conducted ny own experiments to verify this. One I posted to this blog. Birds see blue light which allows them to navigate so a unique color sensitivity is common in certain species.
I further believe that the energy that was once part of a physical human entity has a wavelength in the indigo range and my vision has awakened my spiritual component. Since my visual cortex has not responded to my spiritual awakening, I get no sense of being from spiritual awareness. I do not see ghosts nor do I communicate with spirits though I know others who have been spirituality awakened do. Because my two visual paths are disconnected from one another and I am only spiritually connected via my subconscious and integration bundle, I do not have to process the presence or awareness of spiritual or energy beings in my conscious mind.
Something akin to a miracle has happened as a result of only one of my nerve pathways being spiritually activated .The following hypothesis is a result of that injury. I believe the reason our spirits continue on and conjoin with a new physical body is to pass on ability and knowledge from one generation to the next. I call it mental evolution. Everything I am learning I am writing down in the blog I call Please Listen.
The above realization struck me as I was sitting in the Doctors office waiting for my eyes to dilate. It may be awhile before I make another post to this blog but I am working on some things which I plan to keep this blog up to date on. The visual chapter is now closed until I can start doing experiments to further understand this phenomena and all that it entails.
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